Blog: Josh Lewis

One of my favorite recent Internet memes is “Chuck Norris Facts.” They’re so stupid, they’re wonderful. Here’s a sampling. Enjoy!

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV
• Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist
• Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
• Objects in Chuck Norris’s rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances
• Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand
• Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
• The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered Chuck Norris’ world
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost