Every year for zero years now Stephanie and I have carried on a tradition that has really changed our view of athletics. Certainly, athletics has much to do with courage, determination, a love of competition, and pushing physical and mental boundaries past any that have been known before. But there’s one thing I had never taken into the equation.
That’s right, readers. My cat is a better athlete than all of you. Probably put together. That’s why Stephanie decided to put her to the test, not only for her betterment, but because we were in need of some high quality entertainment. The 1st Annual Kitty Olympics has achieved neither of those goals, but still, it’s worth talking about.
This year, we have only one contestant. She’s from the USA, her name is 5, and as far as I can tell she’s been training for over a year and a half to be here today for this competition. Against herself. But it’s often said that you are your own hardest competition, so that seems fair to me. Besides, we’ve only got one litter box. Can you imagine the line outside the women’s litter box if we were to bring more cats in here?
This year’s events will be revealed in the order in which they are performed (which will be at 5’s whim). Todays event: The Butterfly Flick.
The Butterfly Flick is done in an amazing single vertical leap, challenging the cat’s balance, aim, and strength. The goal is to knock a small fake butterfly off the wall (wherever we tape it on) and to knock it with the highest jump. The reason The Butterfly Flick is done in a single leap is because 5 won’t really try again if she fails the first time. We’re still working on that attitude. But in spite of that shortcoming, she took the gold medal today with an amazing butterfly height of 57 inches. That may not seem like much, but how many of you can jump 40-something inches in the air? Yes, Eddie, I see your hand. But you have to keep in mind, 5 is only 7 inches tall.
Maybe she should be a gymnast.
Would she object to skinning the cat?
PS> This entire entry was not a setup for that one joke. But it should have been.