Experiments in Sound and Video

ABC Family is becoming so artistically progressive lately, I tell ya! A couple hours ago, I turned on the TV and was flipping channels when I came to rest on what appeared to be 7th Heaven, and I was hearing some kind of voice-over. It looked like they were doing one of those effects where time stops briefly and we hear the thoughts of the character before they unpause time and we continue. And then the voices kept going, and the video (that shot on the side there) stayed still. For 30 seconds. Then a couple minutes.

Then the scene (in his mind?) changed, and went on for awhile. If this was Space Ghost, I wouldn’t have given it another thought, but as far as I know Space Ghost hasn’t crossed-over with 7th Heaven. Then the voice-over changed again and said, “New Johnsons’ Soft Lotion is for grown-ups!”

At this point I realized that something was seriously wrong. I said, “Steph, look at this!” Her response was a simple, “Oh yeah, it’s been like that since yesterday.”

Yesterday.

Wait, let me flip back there now and… yep. Still stuck. Now he’s staring at the floor, holding his pool queue, and wondering, “How did we get the Government’s highest safety rating?” Either someone at the station has locked themselves in and is having a little fun, or the guys running that place are morons. I wish I knew which it was.

17 thoughts on “Experiments in Sound and Video

  1. Maybe you happened upon a pool tournament. You know, there’s a lot riding on those games. Maybe he’s figuring out the geometry in his head while working in the chaos theory and his next shot will revolutionize pool as we know it.

    Anyway you look at it, though, it spells trouble. Trouble with a capital “T,” which rhymes with “P,” and you know what that stands for…ya always gotta watch for those tell-tale signs.

  2. I bet he re-buckled his knicker-bockers below the knee when he left the house. And he’s got a dime novel hidden in the corn crib!

  3. Well, it’s Wednesday, Jan. 14th at 5:52 p.m. Josh just turned on the television and saw that this kids picture is still showing on that stupid channel. He did a little dance and started talking like Jerry Seinfeld, “The channel is stuck! It’s stuck! How could it be stuuuuck?!?”

    Lord, help us all.

  4. Stuuuuuuuck!

    Now he’s got two people in his head. It’s a conversation between a young boy and an older man who sounds like Columbo or something. And the Columbo man is saying, “The safe looks like books so that if the thief comes in he won’t know where the safe is.”

    The kid on the screen has apparently been pausing to ponder that statement for quite awhile now.

    I’m glad I don’t have anything on that channel that I like.

    Now it’s like the old-time radio shows. That kid is just a poster on the wall that has nothing to do with the sound, and I’m getting back to the old radio dramas. Boy, some of these programs need a narrator.

  5. Well, they sure picked a poor frame in which to pause. I’ll bet the director of photography (If there is one on the set of 7th Heaven) can’t even pronounce “mise en scéne,” let alone prove that he/she is not, in fact, legally blind.

    Oh, and, Josh, you are my favorite Iowan!

  6. I figured it out. Dennis the Menace the movie was playing in the background. I could tell when a woman named “Martha” kept saying, “Oh, George!”

  7. After reading these past 9 comments, insanity has gained an all new meaning. When those nice men in the white lab coats come a knockin’ I called ’em. You bunch of psychos. ;p

  8. Tonight, he was thinking about “The following is a paid advertisement for the Magic Bullet by Homeland Housewares.”

    He also seemed to really want to chalk his queue.

  9. Hope beyond hope, can it go another day? It’s been a week, and the tip of his queue is still gracing our screen on channel 56. Still deep in thought, he discovers, “…common sense is the key to weight loss, and will power can be borrowed from a friend.”

    Good lessons, pool boy. Good lessons.

  10. Two more disturbing things:

    1. Funniest Home Videos is playing the sound for this picture now. Freaky.

    2. We, for some reason, still watch this “show” daily. Why?

    Well, I don’t really watch it. But Josh turns it on and paces around laughing and occasionally clapping when he realizes that the picture is still frozen and it gets juxtaposed with strange sound clips. Good times.

  11. Dementia has certainly set in. I’ll get you the help you guys need. Until then, sit on the couch and have a cookie: my “friends” in the white lab coats are on their way.

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