An Update

Thank you for your prayers so far, guys. Stephanie has just posted an entry that explains part of what I was talking about the other day. This obviously impacts both of us very deeply, so your continued prayers are greatly appreciated.

It’s hard to know how to feel about things like this when they happen. Part of me thinks that after three miscarriages, I might be kinda used to it by now. Another part of me says, “Do you ever get used to people dying?” I really do think of my kids as “people” even though they never lived outside the womb, and I never got to know them on a personal level. Or at least I haven’t yet. The thought of that prospect–seeing them in Heaven for the first time and getting to know them there–absolutely shakes me to my core.

I could blubber on about “acceptance issues,” and talk about Job and talk about yielding to the Will of God even when we don’t understand it. But I think that would be preaching to the choir, mostly. I may understand it some day. I may not. Right now, I just want to feel some peace, whether it’s peace with understanding or peace without it. And I think it’s on its way.

17 Comments

  1. danielle
    Posted February 4, 2004 at 6:39 pm | Permalink

    i’ll be praying for you.

  2. Posted February 4, 2004 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    I know I’m far away, but I’m here for you still, man.

  3. Posted February 4, 2004 at 8:54 pm | Permalink

    Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

    Philippians 4:4-9

  4. Posted February 4, 2004 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

    That, right there, is why I married her.

  5. Neal
    Posted February 4, 2004 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    Josh, I enjoy your titles immensely: whether you put them in your “e-mail address” or anywhere else. Up there with the “Earl of Sandwich” for sure! 😉

  6. amy
    Posted February 5, 2004 at 6:29 am | Permalink

    “Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” Micah 9:8

    “For he himself is our peace.” Ephesians 2:14

    Know that you both are in my thoughts and prayers. My love to you both.

  7. eddie
    Posted February 5, 2004 at 8:12 am | Permalink

    There is grieving in Minnesota with you. I love you and am still praying.

  8. joe rueter
    Posted February 5, 2004 at 5:08 pm | Permalink

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have been married for coming up on a year and am not sure what it is to even be half serious about having kids myself but my heart aches for you and yours.

    Man the Lord Give you strength!

    I word about me (the random poster in the peanut gallery)
    I have been peeking in on your blogs (stephs too) for the last couple of weeks. I found hers on a search I made for Stewart Luckman via google.

    I recognized your names from conversations I had with my computer science room mates while at Bethel and continued to check your sites.

    I think I graduated a year or two after you. No, wait. I was on the floor that dj jacked you, G3, while you were running mission control. Well, I am not sure when I graduated in relation to you but I am sure that I am sorry to hear about your loss!!!

    Blessings from Minnesota

  9. Posted February 5, 2004 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

    OK, that’s just awesome!

    Thank you Joe!

    And thank you Internet! 🙂

  10. Posted February 5, 2004 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

    That, by the way, was the best time I was ever kidnapped and held hostage.

  11. Posted February 5, 2004 at 10:06 pm | Permalink

    Dude! You found me on a google search on Stewart Luckman!?! I wonder if he read it….

  12. Neal
    Posted February 6, 2004 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    Meh, who cares? The man deserves a little what for with all his insanity.

  13. joe
    Posted February 6, 2004 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

    Hey guys, I am glad to hear you are strait up with my interaction on this page. For a couple of weeks I have been thinking I was a techno stalker or some crazy thing like that.

    I have been thinking about you and talking to God about you and your situation. May you be blessed!

    If you are allright with it I would like to continue to check in with you. My guess is that your fine with it, be it the case that you are publishing it openly.

    About luckydog, I think he is a little less tech savy, than say you guys, to care. I am sure it would be different if he could ever get his own page off the ground. http://luckydogstudio.com/ It has been stagnent for months!

  14. Posted February 6, 2004 at 5:57 pm | Permalink

    Joe, please do feel free to keep checking in! That’s one of the reasons I do this publicly. I’m hoping random people will Google for me and find me again (or for the first time), and it’s happened a few times already!

    Hmmm… Stu’s page isn’t too impressive. Hopefully his webmaster will get it together. 🙂

  15. Aimee
    Posted February 6, 2004 at 11:50 pm | Permalink

    Google you, Josh? Sounds dirty.

    Oddly enough, Joe has inspired me to Google some old friends. No luck yet. – But thanks Joe!

  16. Aimee
    Posted February 6, 2004 at 11:51 pm | Permalink

    Didn’t mean that as it came out… googling old friends… well, you know what I meant…

  17. Marley
    Posted June 29, 2004 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    Joe :

    I agree Stu’s website needs a Celtic theme
    to complete