Chuck Norris Facts

One of my favorite recent Internet memes is “Chuck Norris Facts.” They’re so stupid, they’re wonderful. Here’s a sampling. Enjoy!

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist
  • Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
  • Objects in Chuck Norris’s rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances
  • Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand
  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
  • The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered Chuck Norris’ world
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

2 thoughts on “Chuck Norris Facts

  1. My favorite one is…
    “Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.”

  2. This are great…I just wish I could read them aloud in that cheesy movie announcer voice. That would definitely sends shivers up and down my spine.

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