Chuck Norris Facts

One of my favorite recent Internet memes is “Chuck Norris Facts.” They’re so stupid, they’re wonderful. Here’s a sampling. Enjoy!

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist
  • Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
  • Objects in Chuck Norris’s rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances
  • Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand
  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
  • The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered Chuck Norris’ world
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost


  1. Posted June 14, 2006 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    My favorite one is…
    “Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.”

  2. Posted June 15, 2006 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    This are great…I just wish I could read them aloud in that cheesy movie announcer voice. That would definitely sends shivers up and down my spine.