Here’s a poem I wrote literally as the title notes. April Fool’s Day 2004. Anyway, it’s not really crafted in my usual way, but it is one that is very personal. It was written, maybe in 5-10 minutes with hardly any changes made, both of which are extrememly rare for me. I tend to obsess sometimes at the details and tuck into ever cranny some deep or double meaning. I guess this is really more of a outpouring and prayer than poem:

* Note: You may recognize a certain phrase and think, “Hey, he stole that from October Project!” Yes. That was my intention.

In response to a dream on April 1st

What have I done?
What have I done?
I’ve screwed up the future,
the present,
Our past
is soiled;
Her heart is stiffened.
O God, knead the many
tightly gripped knots;
Loosen the clots;
Let her love. Let her love.

But Lord! Fill in my heart!
The six foot hole there,
fill it with everlasting!
(Bury my lovely lovely lovely -)
(Bury my lovely lovely lovely -)
Bury me with her.

Then raise us, O Jesus,
Raise us one.
_______________

Why do I dream of her still
Two years and still
The dreams –
Still the dreams, O Father!
Still the dreams.
Or kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.
_______________

Lord, Father God, Jesus.
I pray she is healing
I pray she can see
through the thick poultice
You’ve buried her in;
You’re burning me in.
She’s right next to me,
Isn’t she?
Right next to my very side.
Lord, Father God, Jesus.
Raise us.
Raise us one.
________________

Wake up, my child, wake up
and remember!
You’re not with her anymore.
You’ve torn apart what I put together.
Remember her eyes.
Remember her freckles.
Remember her laugh.
Remember her touch.
Remember her lips.
Remember her joy, her love and hope,
Remember her pain.
Remember her weeping.
Remember her praying.
Remember her leaving.
Remember Me pulling.
Remember Me holding.
Remember Me rolling.
Remember Me running,
Pulling, holding, rolling
With you when you came home.
Remember this, son, when you want to die.
I will take care of her
and you will still cry.