I just did a Googlesearch for “Ode to Nutella” to see if possibly my poem would come up, and this guy’s comes up. And he wrote it over two years before me! What a crock of… It’s too calculated to be a true ode! It should come from the gut! And what’s all this white, black, green junk? It’s all about the brown! The brown!

Please!

There are some days where I get home and I look at my cat and have to say, “yeayuh!” It is because even if half of the day was crappy, later the pooper-scooper man comes and cleans it all up for you. It’s like waking up early Christmas morning and finding under the Christmas tree some new downhill skis that fit you perfectly and your step-father coming downstairs to tell you that “they’re for your mother” and “go back to bed,” and then coming back to the tree later that morning to unwrap the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Part Wagon!

That you knew cost more than thirty dollars! AND the Casey Jones action figure! Yeahyuh. The crappy part, the throw-up in your throat, is covered and replaced with butter. And not the waxpaper-covered wands you get at Cub, but the real deal. That you could eat with a spoon. That’s what it’s like.

That, and Nutella!

Ode to Nutella -or- If I Could Brush My Teeth with Nutella

O Nutella, lovely, lovely,
Licky, licky with my tongue.
O Nutella, not rubeola,
Choco-hazelnutty bung!

Give it to me, give it to me,
Mm-mm-mm-mm,
Chicka-berka, Chicka-berka,
Lips coated with thick, brown paste!