The Dust off a Dionysian Album

The dirty water in the dirty dishes,
the smelly banana in the smelly trash,
the messy blankets on the unmade bed,
the rolled clothes in the open suitcase, I
lay on the new carpet, I
take off my cap (put it on the cap-shelf), I
create a “Genius playlist,” I
file my 15,000 KRW’s for next time.

The novels are years I wrote in those parallels,
The years are novels I write in these poems in songs.

We middle-agers surprise ourselves in our 8-bit menus,
The levels we have beaten or have beaten us
become tribute to our red, wind-beaten faces.
Our tears dry as they come, the years, novels
that we flip through to find the underlines but never reread
while writing new ones. We edit as we go.

The wildfire is contagious! It eats all and leaves none.
Our beds are barely slept in and our landlords love us.
The air is fresh when we move, but when we stop,
we get slammed by the bus carrying the losers from pageants past,
banners become nooses swinging the wreckage we kicked dirt over.

But the stories come. Oh, there is not enough ink for them!
There is no shelf so strong for the binders of source material
that collect like cars in highway traffic, backing, beeping, busting for attention.
Only we are a space shuttle and have no time for earth-thing(ling)s,
we are artists and we don’t read our own history.
The life we bring is the life we take and the balance is a high wire act that
helps the people forget how miserable they are, or reminds them how miserable they are.

“The shape of the smoke we inhale
fills the fucked ships we sail
that no one else will captain
and no one will again.”

But you’ll not understand if you’ve nothing in your gut.
Eat! Eat our food. Drink our drink.
Mind not the dirt, the germs. We share our dishes!
Let Narcissus bury Narcissus and free your hands;
let those who shelve shelve themselves!

Ill

There’s disease yonder:
slow blossom venom
swimming in
tapped lymph
fingering the ache. The whimpering dog, soft body attack.
Sores in the mouth and appetites dry.
Six month gestation’s what I remember
the last time, no immunity.
Losing
this one__________.

Love lives

Love lives far longer than the death of the girl.
The memory in the cells you took, you gave, stay
stained, but moving in your body,
a homeless part of yourself that wanders in your veins,
like an epileptic cat that spins and recovers on your floor
full of piss and drool, a vulnerable,
deadly seraph that’s forgotten its god.
Yes, she lives but she doesn’t remember you.
You can only watch as she floats by, lips unconsciously
mouthing your name and caressing the flower petals
you’ve thrown her that pass through her fingers.
Follow her and you find the nettle too thick,
turn into thorns and take your blood.
But this blood dripping from your legs,
your arms is where she lives.
Eggs that hatch and feed from the inside,
grow, mate, and release more eggs
until you are so bloated with love
you can’t keep yourself from birthing
a song, poem, dance, blog post.
Maybe you shave your head or find a lover in a bar,
maybe you throw stones,
to distract yourself from the killing-contractions.
But she lives in you, love, still,
then out. Then out love.

Moving, not ‘moving on.’

BLM opened last night. Not their first performance without me, but their first seasonal Cowles performance without me. First new work made without me. I have these weird, contradictory emotions about it. On one hand, I would think it awesome that anyone who came to the show didn’t even notice I wasn’t there because it was so flipping good. On the other, I WANT people to feel like something’s missing! I feel the former stronger than the latter, but that tug to be missed is not just a tiny, subtle thing. When I read this preview of the show it definitely stirred something in me to read my name in it. Made me feel like maybe I did make an impact on that community. But the writer needs to read the website closer…

I am excited for BLM and cheering for them overseas. BLM lives and thrives without me moving with them and that makes me very happy! I danced for BLM for 8 years! Carl’s vision pulled me back into dance after leaving it to pursue a post-bac degree in English Education. I have invested much into this company and have helped form it’s esthetic. I am still listed as artistic associate! I haven’t moved on. I just have a long tether. And I’ll be back.

evolving leftovers