I am a caged animal.<\/p>\n
My face is against the metal<\/p>\n
and the oncoming storm flashes, threatening.<\/p>\n
I lie on my back,<\/p>\n
contained, out of control, contained.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I moan and mangle pilled bedsheets<\/p>\n
that wrap-strangle my legs.<\/p>\n
But kicking feels good, the thump and whomping.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I am always stirred by a naked woman<\/p>\n
at my door. I will not let her in,<\/p>\n
I want to.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She sits down on the carpet with her<\/p>\n
warm back against the wall. Her shadow still,\u00a0<\/p>\n
outside the door.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I return to the opening and stare out at the distant, ashy horizon.<\/p>\n
(I don\u2019t really ever sleep, more like breathe deeply until the anxiety simmers.)<\/p>\n
The lines are flat and motionless<\/p>\n
but I feel the rumbling in my chest<\/p>\n
like a growl. I will die alone, probably.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
My visitor leaves without saying anything. Anything.<\/p>\n
Just sits in his chair, then he\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n
When he leaves he leaves what looks like some<\/p>\n
oily, important car part that fell off when it jumped a pothole.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t ever touch it or move it.<\/p>\n
If he wants it he\u2019ll have to come and get it himself.<\/p>\n
I want it.<\/p>\n
I know it is for me.<\/p>\n
But I don\u2019t know anything.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I keep wondering about that naked woman.<\/p>\n
*************************************<\/p>\n
I break my plate on the floor, I spin<\/p>\n
around, devlish, until I slip<\/p>\n
on pieces. I sit on my bed,<\/p>\n
I slam my back on the mattress, the sheets on<\/p>\n
the floor. I kick the door hard until<\/p>\n
the shadow moves,<\/p>\n
slide down the wall and pull at my elbows,<\/p>\n
looking at the ceiling, the ceiling, the wall.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I find that if I tilt my head back<\/p>\n
and press my skull into my palms<\/p>\n
it deadens something, my senses, and I can sleep.<\/p>\n
Two times, and I don\u2019t wake up on the third.<\/p>\n
What would my mother think?<\/p>\n
*************************************<\/p>\n
My mother dreams that I will come visit<\/p>\n
and bring her grandchildren.<\/p>\n
I run in her backyard with the dog.<\/p>\n
With the purpling sky, my wife and I\u00a0<\/p>\n
come in and pick up the littlest, all of us out of breath.<\/p>\n
We pray and eat rice and shish-kabob on skewers.<\/p>\n
There is so much laughter that it<\/p>\n
takes us two hours to eat.<\/p>\n
I dry the dishes she washes<\/p>\n
and she cries a little because of the sadness<\/p>\n
that is no longer around anywhere, just love.<\/p>\n
The night bends down with board games<\/p>\n
and movies, the screen door keeping out<\/p>\n
mosquitoes, but letting coolness in.<\/p>\n
At the end, in fresh sheets, everyone<\/p>\n
beds and falls into deep, dreamless sleep.<\/p>\n
Only breath and moonlight,<\/p>\n
only breath and heat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am a caged animal. My face is against the metal and the oncoming storm flashes, threatening. I lie on my back, contained, out of control, contained.\u00a0 I moan and mangle pilled bedsheets that wrap-strangle my legs. But kicking feels good, the thump and whomping. \u00a0 I am always stirred by a naked woman at … Continue reading Broke Open<\/span>