I’m sorry, I can’t allow you to learn that

Have you ever heard the word “fromage?” I believe I had heard it before yesterday, but I wasn’t paying enough attention to remember what it meant. So when I read it, I thought, “Hey, I know of an online dictionary, I’ll just go look it up.” Take a gander at the definition for "fromage" over at Dictionary.com. Fascinating, no? It turns out the generous wordsmiths over there have decided that there are certain words that common folk like us really shouldn’t have free access to, and unless we fork over $3 each month, they’re going to do what they can to keep that word out of our pitiful little lexicon. The really interesting question, it seems to me, is how exactly did they choose which words were worth charging for?

Beyond that, I can only imagine what happens when you let your subscription run out. Perhaps they send out a team of knowledge-sucking specialists to surgically remove those words from your vocabulary? Or if surgery is too risky, I imagine all they have to do is sit you down and make you watch a few episodes of “Married with Children” or something. That oughta do it. “From-age? What was that? Maybe the quality of bein’ from somethin’?”

Maybe while they’re in there they can help you to forget that you subscribed in the first place, just to boost re-subscription rates. Their sales must be skyrocketing!

It’s a kind of French cheese, by the way. Just trying to help.

Unstoppable Shaking

I’ve been quivering in my seat ever since I saw the post-it note stuck to Strong Bad’s monitor this week. Then I clicked the word “CD” and almost fell out of my chair.

Please, oh Brothers Chaps, makers of Home Star Runner et all, speed the production of such a project so that I might lay down my hard-earned cash to purchase such a musical venture.

I’m going to be the #1 listener of that CD on Audioscrobbler. I can tell you that right now.

PS> If you follow that link after one week from today, the post-it I mentioned will most likely not be there. But maybe you can find the CD somewhere in the HSR store!

Not that there’s anything right with that…

Have you heard about Bravo’s new TV show? Have a peek at this QuickTime movie (get QuickTime here) to get an idea of the hook for the show. Basically, it teaches us a few valuable lessons:

  • Straight guys are slobs.
  • Gay guys are wonderful and perfect.
  • Gay guys can help straight guys, if only by making them more like the gay guys

Well, this is wonderful, isn’t it? Thank you, TV! How would I ever receive such bigoted, anti-heterosexual, elitist programming unless you were around?

I honestly don’t understand, after seeing stuff like this, why I’m supposedly the intolerant one. It’s this idea of “helping” that is supposed to be intolerant, right? If I’m really politically correct, I’m supposed to believe that I’ve got nothing to teach anyone, and nothing I can help them with, because they’re “right in their own way.” Well, this show certainly doesn’t hold to that idea.

Of course, we can’t forget that it’s actually only conservative Republican Christians (especially if they’re white and male) that we’re allowed to criticize. Everyone else is off limits.

So Sad

This is just sad.

How exactly is it that Apple has failed to convert Windows users even when Windows is that bad? Admittedly it isn’t that bad for everyone, but obviously it’s that bad for some people or those numbers wouldn’t be coming in. So, what’s the deal? Leave your opinion in the Peanut Gallery.

Note to Windows-haters: there is a better alternative.

The World as a Blog

[Edit: link to brainoff dot com slash geoblog removed because the brainoff site became infected with malware]

This might be one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen the Internet do. Yes, that’s real time. It’s like being able to see little digital prayers floating up to heaven all over the world, and reading the words as they go up, so private and yet so public. Thousands of people, all as intricate and important as you and I.

That is so insane I can’t even believe it. In fact… I’m going to have to write a letter.

Dear Internet,

I love you.

Sincerely,
Josh Lewis

And as if that wasn’t enough, after following a few links from the above page and adding a couple special “meta” tags in my source code I’ve got a list of every (registered) blogger within 500 miles of my house.

Feel free to post links to your own “whoa, that’s amazing” sites in the Peanut Gallery.

1st Annual Kitty Olympics

Every year for zero years now Stephanie and I have carried on a tradition that has really changed our view of athletics. Certainly, athletics has much to do with courage, determination, a love of competition, and pushing physical and mental boundaries past any that have been known before. But there’s one thing I had never taken into the equation.

Cats!

That’s right, readers. My cat is a better athlete than all of you. Probably put together. That’s why Stephanie decided to put her to the test, not only for her betterment, but because we were in need of some high quality entertainment. The 1st Annual Kitty Olympics has achieved neither of those goals, but still, it’s worth talking about.

This year, we have only one contestant. She’s from the USA, her name is 5, and as far as I can tell she’s been training for over a year and a half to be here today for this competition. Against herself. But it’s often said that you are your own hardest competition, so that seems fair to me. Besides, we’ve only got one litter box. Can you imagine the line outside the women’s litter box if we were to bring more cats in here?

This year’s events will be revealed in the order in which they are performed (which will be at 5’s whim). Todays event: The Butterfly Flick.

The Butterfly Flick is done in an amazing single vertical leap, challenging the cat’s balance, aim, and strength. The goal is to knock a small fake butterfly off the wall (wherever we tape it on) and to knock it with the highest jump. The reason The Butterfly Flick is done in a single leap is because 5 won’t really try again if she fails the first time. We’re still working on that attitude. But in spite of that shortcoming, she took the gold medal today with an amazing butterfly height of 57 inches. That may not seem like much, but how many of you can jump 40-something inches in the air? Yes, Eddie, I see your hand. But you have to keep in mind, 5 is only 7 inches tall.

Maybe she should be a gymnast.

Would she object to skinning the cat?

PS> This entire entry was not a setup for that one joke. But it should have been.