I’ve been thinking a lot about my own greed and materialism lately. I know I’ve written about these things before, but I think I need a constant reminder of where I’m at and what I’m working for. Who I’m working for, really. The realization that I came to recently was twofold:

1) I have never been so generous with anyone that I gave something that was over and above what I thought I could afford. Sure, I’ll give money to charities here or there. Let’s say I put $20 in a bell ringer’s can. What does that matter? Is that generous? I hardly feel it. It’s not that the person on the other end doesn’t appreciate that extra $20. It’s that I didn’t feel the giving. It didn’t hurt me. It didn’t take anything real from me. It didn’t take something I would have preferred to keep for myself. There was no sacrifice involved. And for those reasons, I’m coming to the conclusion that it was never generosity in the first place. It was me trying to convince myself that I’m a good person by not being completely stingy.

2) I am tired of spending so much time and effort chasing the American Dream. Comfort, security, happiness, contentedness. I spend so much time chasing after them. Why do I go to work during the day? What do I think about at night? What do I spend my time talking about with my friends? Usually the answers to those questions are somehow related to the things I’ve listed above. It could be money, or the latest cool toy, or gadget, or game, or music, or movie. It’s all designed to pad our coffins, so we don’t feel like we’re dying. But we really are. It’s not an American Dream. It’s a nightmare. I don’t want to worship at that idol any more. It’s boring, and it’s safe.

I’m not diluted enough to think that I can conquer this in one fell swoop. I’m not “finished” simply by realizing this. This can only be the beginning. When I realized all this, I also realized that I needed to go somewhere for a little while where I could learn more of the truth about these things, and where I could work out this stuff in myself.

A couple weeks ago I was invited to be a part of a small, independent group of men going to Pascagoula, MS to be a part of the hurricane relief effort. I talked with Steph about it, and prayed about it, and got some pretty quick answers, so I’m going. Eight others are going with me. We leave tomorrow morning at 5am and get back this Saturday. It’s not entirely certain what we’ll be doing each day, but it involves sheet rock, insulation, hammers and crow bars. The folks down there have been flooded out of their homes, and many have no insurance, and no way to get back in. Their walls and floors are rotted and unsafe. There are widows who have no family or money. Their American Dream has crumbled before their eyes, and they had only a few days warning. I need to see that first hand, and try to help. I know I can’t fix the problem, but I think the reality of the problem can begin to fix me.

See you in a few days.

Every year around this time, Apple puts up three big Christmas trees in the lobby of Infinite Loop 1. They’re quite tall, but not as tall as the three permanent trees behind them, or the three-story iPod Nano banner overhead.

Still, they fill the air with that familiar pine scent, and lend a gorgeous soft glow in the evening. I can feel Christmas when I walk through the lobby. It’s beautiful. I’m lucky.

Josh: 1
Rats: 0

We got a Big Frickin’ Trap (BFT for short) and put some peanut butter on it. That seemed to work better than the sticky traps (which are all still empty) and the poison (which hasn’t been eaten). I even took a picture of it, just for posterity. Not to worry, the rat is partially obscured since the trap flipped over on top of it.

The impressive thing is that he still managed to lick every last bit of the peanut butter off the trap. That’s determination. We could learn a lot from that rat. I guess in his own way, he won.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going on when he finds a hole chewed in the cat food bag that was being kept in the garage, and another hole in the wall behind a garage shelf. Previously, I had thought it was a mouse, or mice, but I saw it tonight. It ran across the rafters and behind the sheet rock when I entered the garage and Henson started sniffing around suspiciously.

I’ve set a few traps. They’re probably too small, but we’ll see what turns up in the morning. I tried to set the traps up so that some of the food was “safe” and not on the traps. That way, maybe they’ll think it’s all safe and go for it. If I come out in the morning and only the safe food is gone, I’ll know I’ve gotta step up my game a bit.

The truly surprising thing about this is that it gives Steph a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. I’ve never seen her react like this to any other animal. But given the stories she has to tell about rats and mice, she knows better than most how nasty they can be. Maybe I should be scared, but I’m not.

Has anyone here ever caught a mouse or rat in their house?

Steph got a brand new iMac at school, and we had some fun with Photo Booth. I won’t post any of hers, but I couldn’t resist making myself look like an idiot. Check it out. This app is a ton of fun.

I just saw this on Amazon. They’re recommending that I buy these books based on what I’ve already purchased. Now sing it with me: “One of these things is not like the others… one of these things just doesn’t belong…”

Now that Jonathan Swift is rolling over in his grave, I’ve got a story to tell. Neal wrote a blog entry recently in which he told the story of how he proposed to his now-fiancee. And I promised that I would, in the spirit of the whole thing, also tell the story of how I proposed to my now-wife.

So here it is. Just for posterity. (Some of you were there. I’d love to hear what you recall, if anything.)

First a tiny bit of back story. Steph and I met in late August of 1997. We hit it off immediately (well, she didn’t really like me for the first month. Deleted my voicemails, etc) and spent obscene amounts of time together. Things developed. We were semi-official about our relationship in April of 1998, although we had been trying since the earlier fall to deny the whole thing. Our fear and reluctance was stupid and immature. Those are the boring details. I skipped over the early good stuff to focus the spotlight; I hope you don’t mind.

Sometime in early 1999 Steph told me of a dream she had wherein I proposed to her. Not that she was dropping hints or anything. Of course not! But she did give the the details of the dream. In September of 1999 I knew it was time, and I bought a ring, and recreated the dream. This was the dream, and this is what happened.

Stephanie was with Melissa, an old roommate of hers, and they were having dinner. Melissa worked for Bethel Catering. Melissa told Steph that Steph simply had to see a setup Melissa had just finished for a special event in a particular room at Bethel that was usually reserved for fancy banquets. Steph followed her down to this room (whose name slips me) and opened the door, and then things got strange. All the people from a particular class Steph and I had taken Freshmen year together filed out of the room one by one, each holding a single rose. And one by one, they gave her their rose and walked past, without saying much.

She was then led into the room, where I was standing with a microphone and Johnny Taylor at my side. Johnny was playing the piano. (Ashley Parent was substituted for the real-life version since Johnny had moved elsewhere. She was excellent, and also in our wedding. And now she’s a Malette.) I sang “She’s Got A Way” by Billy Joel. I got down on one knee. I proposed. And there you have it.

In the real life version, I also threw in a case of Dr. Pepper as an inside joke. Sometimes when someone in Steph’s family makes a big purchase (e.g. buys a car), they’ll close the deal by saying, “I’ll take that deal if you throw in a case of pop.” So I threw one in, just to close it. She got it. She said “yes.” Well, actually she said, “If you put that ring on my finger,” which I’ve never quite let her forget. Sorry hon.

It was a lot of fun. We got a couple pictures. It really meant a lot to me to be able to have my friends there to witness the event and be a part of it, since I tend to live life through the eyes of the ones I love.

And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed my little story.