Category: Personal

1st Annual Kitty Olympics

Every year for zero years now Stephanie and I have carried on a tradition that has really changed our view of athletics. Certainly, athletics has much to do with courage, determination, a love of competition, and pushing physical and mental boundaries past any that have been known before. But there’s one thing I had never taken into the equation.

Cats!

That’s right, readers. My cat is a better athlete than all of you. Probably put together. That’s why Stephanie decided to put her to the test, not only for her betterment, but because we were in need of some high quality entertainment. The 1st Annual Kitty Olympics has achieved neither of those goals, but still, it’s worth talking about.

This year, we have only one contestant. She’s from the USA, her name is 5, and as far as I can tell she’s been training for over a year and a half to be here today for this competition. Against herself. But it’s often said that you are your own hardest competition, so that seems fair to me. Besides, we’ve only got one litter box. Can you imagine the line outside the women’s litter box if we were to bring more cats in here?

This year’s events will be revealed in the order in which they are performed (which will be at 5’s whim). Todays event: The Butterfly Flick.

The Butterfly Flick is done in an amazing single vertical leap, challenging the cat’s balance, aim, and strength. The goal is to knock a small fake butterfly off the wall (wherever we tape it on) and to knock it with the highest jump. The reason The Butterfly Flick is done in a single leap is because 5 won’t really try again if she fails the first time. We’re still working on that attitude. But in spite of that shortcoming, she took the gold medal today with an amazing butterfly height of 57 inches. That may not seem like much, but how many of you can jump 40-something inches in the air? Yes, Eddie, I see your hand. But you have to keep in mind, 5 is only 7 inches tall.

Maybe she should be a gymnast.

Would she object to skinning the cat?

PS> This entire entry was not a setup for that one joke. But it should have been.

Kibbles ‘n Bits

I seem to have caught some kind of disease where I’m only able to write one paragraph about any particular topic. Henceforth, this will be the last time I make mention of my disease until I am cured of it.

Good day to you, Chatty Cathies! It’s so great to see everyone participating in the Peanut Gallery and enjoying themselves on the site. That’s what I’m doing this for, really. The most interesting part is how many visitors I have that never make comment. More than I would have thought. (I see you, Bozeman, MT!) I’ve even got the beginnings of an international community started here. The second most popular country from which to read my blog is apparently Australia (Hi Kami and Andrew!), followed by the United Arab Emirates (huh?). Brazil and Mexico are next, obviously due to the absolutely gargantuan amount of Latino-centric content on the site. And Taiwan comes in just after something called "old style Arpanet" whatever the heck that is. Upgrade, people!

Stephanie (Queen of Scrabble) and I had a fine morning today, if by "fine" I mean "active", which in this case I believe I do. We walked several blocks to some outdoor tennis courts, during which travel I repeatedly asked Stephanie why God gave us cars if he wanted us to walk. Upon arriving, we played a game much like tennis, but with more running, and much less volleying. And also much less racket-to-ball contact. Actually, it reminded me a lot of another game, commonly called "fetch." When we came home we went for a dip in the pool, played with diving rings, and pulled each other around the pool by the ankles. I think I even got a bit of a tan! Will wonders never cease? I must say, a bald head may be interesting by itself, but a tan bald head is quite a thing to behold.

I discovered something truly amazing last weekend, and I would be far too greedy if I didn’t share. The geeks in the audience have already heard of MegaTokyo, but I imagine almost everyone else out there hasn’t so I’m introducing you today. Give that link a little clickeroo and read it from front to back. It’s pretty fun. I’ve always enjoyed anime, but I like this particular brand especially. From what I’ve found, people with no experience in the world of anime seem to expect the content to be of the X-rated or R-rated nature, but I assure you MegaTokyo is no more than PG-13 at most. One warning though: It won’t make sense if you don’t start from the beginning. So if you just begin by reading the latest strip, well, there’s no way you’ll enjoy it. I believe there are currently 434 strips in the series. I read all of them last weekend. I wholeheartedly encourage such a venture on your part!

With reviews of Pirates of the Caribbean

popping
up
all
over
the
‘Net

, I can’t resist adding my own. Steph and I saw the flick two nights ago, and both of us thoroughly enjoyed it. I went in expecting another half-hearted Hollywood dung heap, but left wondering why I never fully realized the talent of Johnny Depp. For those of you who’ve seen the film, let me make an even more powerful example of Depp’s talent: Johnny Depp is 40 years old. Now you fully understand. For those of you who haven’t yet seen it, the reviews I linked so tightly a few sentences ago may give you some idea of whether this film is for you or not. From my perspective, this film reminded me quite a bit of The Princess Bride. No, it wasn’t quite that good, but it approached it at points. Romance, comedy, escape scenes, swordplay, witty dialogue, witty dialogue during swordplay. Crazy characters. You get the idea. If you see it, I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, and just a word to the wise, think twice before you laugh at someone else’s drawing in a game of Pictionary.

Bad things could happen.

(Hmmm… that was two paragraphs… maybe my disease is in remission?)

A dogged pursuit

I’m going to discuss something that bothers me to no end. His name is Grandmaster Henson, and he is my dog.

Let me ‘splain it like this. He has a little soft red toy that he loves to play with. It’s a cloth ball, and it says “Coca-Cola” on it. He will go anywhere for this ball. It is like pure cocaine to him, which is ironic considering Coca-Cola’s sordid history of ingredients. Maybe they just put their extra smack in their plush toys these days. Who’s to say?

Anyhow, he takes this toy and chews it, yes, but he does more than that. He likes to chew it near things. Things like my foot. Or my arm. Or my ear (if he dares). But that’s not the worst part. He most enjoys chewing it near any low-set shelf, such as our entertainment system, the bookshelf near my computer desk, or the little free-standing medicine cabinet in our bathroom upstairs. This matters for one reason. The ball fits under these shelves. Henson’s head does not. So when he pushes the ball around with his nose as any ball-loving dog is known to do, he inevitably pushes the darn thing under the shelf, and while stabbing at it with his nose in an attempt to bite it and pull it back out, pushes it far beyond the reach of his huge schnoz.

Then, the nearly inaudible whining begins.

Over a period of several minutes, even as much as an hour, the whining crescendos slowly. Henson must have a hit from that ball, and he needs it pronto. Just one more chew, then he’ll be fine. He’ll pay me back later, I know he’s good for it, etc. It’s really a test. I have to see how long I can stand it before I’m left with the choice of getting the ball or killing the dog. Then I get the ball and give it to him, and the cycle repeats. Chew, chew, chew… push under shelf… whine, whine, whine, get ball back…. chew, chew, chew. You see how it is. Have pity on me, kind reader!

Just one question… am I being an enabler?

UPDATE: [12 am] Proof of his transgressions!
UPDATE: [12:10 am] Stephanie sent in this disturbing image of Henson caught in the act. Support is flowing in from all corners of the living room!

Didn’t He Ramble

So I’ve learned a thing or two about audio blogging, but mainly this: it’s really boring to listen to. No, that doesn’t mean that I won’t be doing audio blogs anymore, but rather than doing them for no apparent reason (e.g. yesterday) I’ll do them where what I’m trying to say is actually enriched by the addition of audio. Brilliant, no?

Besides that, a friend of mine gave me a good idea. Next time I decide to use audio, I’m going to break up the content into topical sections so you can skip the subjects you’re not interested in (just like you can in text). I’ll also show how long each section is so you can gage just how much time you’ll need to spend to hear it. I figure that’ll all make it a lot more user friendly.

On a side-note, Steph and I saw Legally Blonde 2 tonight. Nothing amazing. Nothing earth-shattering. Not horrible but not quite as good as the first one either. Reese Witherspoon carries that movie on her back almost 100%. The other actors come off as somewhat-decent (Bob Newhart’s character for instance) or just passable (almost everyone else).

New Trends

I just got a spam with the word "unpracticableness" in the subject line. I love this stuff! Seriously, can spam be fun? It’s just awesome to see the stupid stuff these people come up with. Who are they fooling? So I made a decision. I’m going to take my favorite spam subject lines and post part or all of the subject just helter-skelter on some of my blog posts. Kinda like how some blogs have a what-song-I’m-listening-to-right-now tag line on each post. I’ll have a what-spam-subject-I-thought-was-funny tagline in some posts.

In that spirit, I’ve also decided that since I’m regularly coming up with band names that sound cool (well… cool to me) I’m also going to have a "Today’s cool band name" on some posts, just for fun.

You’ve been warned.